The Pigeon

Kingdom: Animalia
Phylum: Chordata
Class: Aves
Order: Columbiformes
Family: Columba

I swear I’m not insane. But these things are multiplying… exponentially.

I present to you Image 1:

I present to you Image 2:

I should explain. I was walking around campus when I came across two pigeons. One (presumably male) was clearly chasing the other (presumably female). While it greatly amused me to watch as their heads bobbled awkwardly as they ran, I realized (after watching them for a good 8 minutes) that this was the start of something unavoidable: more pigeons.

I remember October, when I realized the impending doom that was the hidden Squirrel Army. Well, now I’ve come to realize another impending doom: the unhidden Pigeon Egg-Boom.

Perhaps I’m paranoid, perhaps I’m slightly unnerved, but this doesn’t change the fact that I used my resources to gather more information on our current crisis. I present to you: Pigeon Guard (epic intro video, eh?).

Pigeon Guard offers quite a lot of pigeon-control options; their actual guarding strategies include using nets, wires, and spikes. They also feature quite a nice article about the Bird Wars, of which I shall summarize in point-form below:

• Today’s pigeons are descended from the European Rock Dove
• Pigeons mate for life
• They also apparently have a “voracious sexual appetite“- the key to creating more of themselves
• A mated pair can produce more than 10 offspring per year… they live for 10 years or more
• That little old lady feeding the birds as an emotional outlet for a lack of wilderness in life? She’s just encouraging the birds
• Pigeons carry diseases (salmonella included)
• Pigeon-scaring, poisoning, or audio repulsion are all useless on the pigeon

It’s starting to feel like these things are not only immune to all our attempts to deter them, but also have a gift for reproducing. They used to say that you were extremely “lucky” to be pooped on by a pigeon… but soon it’ll just be the start of another ordinary day.

On a very serious note, please do not feed the pigeons! They actually pose lots of health risks! See: http://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/national/canadian-woman-battling-crippling-disease-caused-by-pigeon-poop/article1996988/