Our writer Jeff bravely talks about strong emotions brought on by the stress of little things in life. We’ve all been there but, for some reason, despair is one of those things that is hard to talk about.  With the upcoming stresses of exams, our writer Jeff looks at some of the on-campus services available for students here at the University of Toronto.

Valentine’s Day recently came and went but nonetheless the scent of love still lingers in the air all around us. We’ve all had those moments when the personal things in our lives occupy our thoughts and make us feel confused about how we feel at that moment. Now, recently, I’ve been having mixed emotions… the source of all this emotion is unknown. A word of warning: this post may be considered verbose to some. Recently, I’ve been feeling angry and sad… talk about mixed emotions, eh?

Where should I begin? First of all, I’m furious at others for just neglecting me, making me feel like I’m not a valuable part of anything, and never showing me an ounce of kindness. *sigh* My heart honestly hurts from writing this.

I feel like I’m unwanted and it seems like, sometimes, people are better off without me. I mean, it feels like, whenever I come along, I bring along bad luck and ruin things for everybody. Plus, I seem to fail to impress anyone although I try my best to show that I am capable of a lot of things. I don’t feel that I get appreciation for what I do, or at least try to do, at all.  It really saddens me that there is this unequal sharing of respect. I might be paranoid, but I cannot keep my thoughts from running wild on me because this is how I feel.

I’m mad as well. It’s because of the fact that everyone, especially those close to me, exceeds me in whatever I try to excel at. Once again, that makes my hard-working efforts go to waste and my dream of making anyone proud of me just shatters. Honestly, I just want to hear one simple “I’m proud of you” from people. It just makes me feel like I have no strengths. I always encourage people when they’re down but, the thing is, I never get the same in return. It just seems unfair. In addition, everyone seems to have more fun when I’m not around. It’s just the way things are, I guess. I’m as low as I can get right now.

Maybe I just care too much about what others think, but I think it’s natural for one to care about what his or her friends think of them. It’s human nature to want to  associate with others and form lasting friendships that structure your character, behaviour, and even appearance. But the key to friendships is balance. There must be an equal amount of respect and love from both parties and, if one side denies the other of such a thing, the scales are tipped and the perfect medium is lost.

I just can’t get myself to ignore these things. These little things add up and hurt most in the end.

Putting this into a more general perspective, many people can agree that it’s difficult to talk about these things because these issues are very personal. They deal with some aspect of life that is sensitive to all of us, hitting in that very soft spot that causes us to ache emotionally. These issues can pertain to family, friends, relationships, and school… you name it. And trust me, everyone has these issues. No one is completely “worry-free” because, if so, decisions wouldn’t exist.

In order to overcome these issues, there are many different approaches that one can take.

First of all, think of the positives about yourself. Know that you are more than capable of many things. Think about it. If you weren’t special at all, why would people exist? Everyone exists to serve a purpose, no matter how small the ultimate contribution may be. You have arrived to U of T because you deserve to be here. You are capable of great potential. Be proud and have confidence in your abilities.

Second, you can overcome these difficulties with the help of friends and family. And if that is not enough, U of T provides great services that can help out with such things. There are CAPS (Counseling and Psychological Services, which offers one-on-one counseling for people to talk to) and the ASC (Academic Success Centre, which offers stress-coping workshops for students for free!).

Regarding these two services, I have personally used CAPS and I find that the counsellors there are really helpful in dealing with issues, both personal (like relationships) or academic (like stress management). The sessions are question-and-answer style, and you can vent to your counselor about whatever’s on your mind; there’s no fixed topic that you have to talk about. It’s very open, personal, and confidential, so there’s no need to hesitate about what you tell them. They make you feel very comfortable.
Now, you may think that getting started with CAPS may sound difficult but, to be honest, it’s really easy to get started. All you have to do is to schedule a phone assessment, in which someone from the Service asks you a couple of general questions, and you schedule your first appointment. From then on, you can plan further appointments with your counselor.

While, I personally have never used the ASC, from what I’ve have heard from others, they have a team of dedicated professionals from diverse academic backgrounds. They will work tirelessly with you to help you develop the skills, strategies, and competencies that you need to succeed because, after all, everyone has the potential to succeed. Many people just need that extra bit of help to get them going on the right path.

As quoted by Andrew Solomon in The Noonday Demon, “I don’t think I ever feel really happy. One can only expect that life not be miserable.” But let’s hope that this quote doesn’t apply to anyone anytime soon!

Remember to stay positive!

CAPS: http://caps.utoronto.ca/main.htm

ASC: http://www.asc.utoronto.ca/