As December rears its ugly head, some people diligently prepare for their upcoming exams. Others, resigned to their inevitable fate of  abysmal grades,  procrastinate instead. I unfortunately count myself among the latter camp, having whittled much of my time away by watching figure skating. After all, it is an Olympic year: the one time every four years in which the mainstream media gives an indication that figure skating does indeed exist.

My opinion on figure skating is rather mixed. On one hand, I love the sport sincerely–at best, it is a sport that blends athleticism with artistry, the triumph of the human will over the constraints of gravity. On the other hand,  the idiosyncrasies and the sheer ridiculousness of figure skating brings forth a steady stream of snark on my part. Today, it is the latter half of figure skating I focus on, a part of figure skating that lends itself to a substantial amount of (perhaps not completely unwarranted) ridicule and dismissal: the costumes.

Costumes are a fundamental part of figure skating. Most figure skaters regard themselves as artistes, wringing out their souls on the ice in the form of angsty expressions, overly-dramatic gestures and costumes that appropriately reflect the character of the arty masterpiece they are attempting to pull off.  However, as in life,  good taste is more often than not a rare commodity in the figure skating world.  Which, of course, spurs me to pass judgment on a bunch of hard-working athletes not by the content of their character but by their choice of attire and my completely subjective sense of aesthetics. Ah, internet, my never-ending outlet for catharsis.

And so, without further ado–the best and worst dressed figure skatings of this season (so far):

Worst costume, men’s: Evan Lysacek

Sartorial superfluousness, thy name is Evan Lysacek’s costume: gratuitous glittery shoulder pads, check. Random fuzzy bits, check. Nipple-baring translucent mesh panel, check. Normally, I would approve of the choice of head-to-toe black, but on Lysacek, it only serves to make him look like a giant contorting spider on the ice, due to his penchant for arm-flailing and high leg-kicks. Also, I have no idea how on earth this costume is supposed to express the music of Rimsky-Korsakov’s Scheherazade. Apparently, Vera Wang designed this costume specially for Lysacek, and because of this, I suspect that Vera Wang is secretly a Johnny Weir fan and wants to sabotage Lysacek. I don’t know how else I can explain how Vera Wang, usually a woman of impeccable taste, could have designed this travesty. On the bright side, it’s a step up from Lysacek’s infamous glittery penguin-suit costume from last season.

Best costume, men’s: Jeremy Abbott

Jeremy Abbott’s previous costume made him look a bit like a vicar, but this new one rather appropriately reflects the image of the tortured poet I suspect he is attempting to portray. But seriously, this costume is not only flattering, but also accentuates his height, lines and posture the way every good outfit should.

Worst-dressed, ice dance: Jana Khokhlova and Sergei Novitski

Jana Khokhlova and Sergei Novitski have never exactly been known for their aesthetically pleasing costumes. But with these particular original dance outfits, I feel that they have hit a brand new low in hideousness. I don’t know where to start–should I mock their excessive use of neon pink? Or should I make fun of the gaudy embroidered patches? Or perhaps a scathing quip or two about Jana Khokhlova’s tacky leggings and hat? My eyes, they bleed. Maybe this is why nobody takes ice dance seriously.

Best dressed, ice dance: Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir

Mmmm, it’s difficult to denigrate the classics, especially when they are done so well: crisp white dress shirt and black dress pants for the gentleman, pretty white dress for the lady. Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir show an admirable sense of restraint and good taste in ice dance, a discipline more known for over-the-top costuming and obscene amounts of sequins and flesh-toned illusion fabric than anything else.

Worst-dressed, ladies: Miki Ando

I like and respect Miki Ando, I really do. But I often find myself questioning her sartorial sense, as I hope this particular costume demonstrates. As Miki seems like a stylish young woman off the ice,  I’m just going to blame her coach, Nikolai Morozov, for travesties like this costume. The theme of Miki’s long program this season is Cleopatra, and so Miki seems to have taken a page from the Literal School of Costuming and garbed herself in an assortment of Egyptian-themed symbols. Admittedly, the bright-blue and gold colouring of her costume is flattering, but the placement of the bird and flower is…distracting. Perhaps it is indeed an exceedingly clever strategy to distract the male judges on the panel, but I personally prefer the other costume she used for the same program.

Best-dressed, ladies: Alissa Czisny

Alissa Czisny is consistently one of the better-dressed skaters in the ladies’ division, with costumes as elegant as her skating. This season, she wears an attractive dress I suspect is inspired by Marchesa’s gowns from a few seasons back, in lovely shades of lavender and grey. They say that grey is one of the most beautiful colours when done well, and I would say that Alissa has managed to pull that admittedly difficult feat off.

Worst-dressed, pairs: Aliona Savchenko/Robin Szolkowy

Aliona Savchenko and Robin Szolkowy, arguably the top pairs team in the world right now, showed up for their first competition of the season (Trophee Eric Bompard in Paris) with a long program as hideous as their costumes. I have no idea what on earth was on their minds when they chose such costumes for a competition in Paris, of all places–surely the sartorially-minded denizens of Paris would have put their collective foot down if Savchenko/Szolkowy had managed to finish atop the podium (“Surely, monsieur judge, those costumes deserve -3 GOE for dreadfulness alone, non?”)? Fortunately, Savchenko/Szolkowy have discarded these unsightly examples of bad taste and showed up at Skate Canada last week with a much better program and costumes.

Best costume, pairs: Yuko Kavaguti/Alexander Smirnov

To be honest, none of the pairs teams have showed up in particularly impressive costumes. But I’m going to give the best-dressed pairs prize to Yuko Kavaguti and Alexander Smirnov anyways mostly because I feel that their costumes are not only tasteful, but are rather well-suited to the music of their short program (Camille Saint-Saens’ The Swan). Plus, these costumes show vast improvement in the sartorial department for this pair, as they have been known for dubious costuming in the not-too-distant past.

This entry was posted on Monday, November 30th, 2009 at 12:18 pm and is filed under Athletics & Health, Whimsical. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.